This weekend has been tough. My body has just said enough. Tired is one thing, this has just been a completely different story. After a long, draining week, both physically, mentally and emotionally I could not wait for the weekend. Some time to just stay behind closed doors and escape the outside world. However I did think it would include a trip to the nature to escape there. Oh how wrong I was. After sleeping more or less all night (I always wake up numerous amounts of time) I didn’t get up until after 11 for breakfast – which Axel went out to buy as he had loads of energy and I wanted to kill him because I was soooo tired. After breakfast I ended up back in bed, and I cant really remember how but I do remember laying there again. A couple of hours past and I thought “Yikes I best get up”. So against every muscle of my body I dragged myself out of bed, very dizzy had a rest on the sofa before deciding a shower would be a good wake up idea. The shower was divine, I felt refreshed and less dizzy. Bag changed and tried some new tips I got regarding the leakage. I used my powder, pressed the slimring down around the stoma with the back of the scissors, then put a piece of paper in the bag and on it went, pushing around the stoma again with the scissors. I will try everything to avoid leakage! Maybe the leakage is down to it being my week of the month? Who knows, only time will tell I guess. Last bit of advice was to lay down or sit down for a while after putting the bag on, so on with my dressing gown and on the sofa I laid. Pulled out my sudoku and started fiddling with that, next thing I know I wake up 2 hours later with my book and pen on the floor and Axel in the kitchen cooking. I had slept more or less all day! Lack of aptit and extremely tired. My body felt like I had, well I don’t even know…done a triathlon 5 times in a row or something, every bit of my pulsating and sore, my head like a fuzzy mess. Despite having slept most of the day I was still exhausted when it came to bed time, and I slept all night, baring the multiple wake ups thought out night. I managed to get out of bed around 10 today and have stayed awake. Still very tired and have just been laid on the sofa with cuddles from the cats, maybe I’ll manage all day without a little snooze? Who knows. One thing I do know is that it is crazy being so tired, not being able to function properly. Body feeling painfully wrongly connected, mind completely disconnected. But hey, I can’t beat myself down for resting, clearly I need it, Haven’t missed that much anyway, weathers not been great, Axel did the cleaning yesterday when I was asleep and I’ve managed to watch some good old Disney films, so there’s usually a positive somewhere.
This exhaustion is more than just tiredness, it’s more than just a late night. When body and mind collide, food isn’t appealing, head is in a daze, just taking a few steps can feel like the biggest leap ever…and I find myself typing a few words and then just staring at the screen in a completely blank glaze, unaware of what I am writing or what to write. How I am going to make sense of these feelings and describe the situation to you when I can barely string together a sentence is beyond me.
On that note, I’m gonna let my head try out our sofa pillows for a while again. Just remember, when someone says they are tired, and you think they are lazy because maybe they “haven’t done anything” think again, maybe they are sufferers of an invisible illness and their body is constantly in a battle, therefore they need the rest. Just be kind everyone and share the love and support.